Life in the Durst Home

He is home! We got to pick him up today Sunday at 9, however computer errors made us wait until 12pm to walk out the door. I have learned to have great patience with this calling, but I was blessed to have my Aunt and Sister here to help out with the kids. The last two days that he was in the NICU I was able to take one child at a time and really talk with them and bond with them that way, so like I always say. He never closes a door with out opening a window, and we really were blessed with lots of windows open. Thanks to all of you that brought meals, said prayers, and all the cute little baby outfits. I can’t wait to show him. But he is doing great!

Last night was the first night that I have slept at home in a week. I thought that I would be able to sleep, but I kept hearing the baby’s oxygen machine beeping in my ear. (Baby is still at the hospital, I am just hearing things). I did however wake up at 9 and called the NICU, he was eating then and his next feeding was at noon. While about 45 minutes later I got a call from the NICU saying Sammy was still crying and he had eaten 3 oz, but he wouldn’t go to sleep. (My baby has never cried more then a minute) I hung up the phone and drove down to comfort him. He was still hungry, he ate 2 more oz this nursed from me for 15 minutes. My poor baby just wanted me to hold and feed him. I hate that he is still in there. I learned my lesson from this trial, I do not know everything, and I need to be more patient with my life and they way things go. I thought for sure I would have a healthy full term baby, but I was wrong. Good news, Sammy should be coming home on Saturday. Tomorrow they will take him off his oxygen all together. They took him off his c-pap today at 10. So hopefully by noon on Saturday I will be home with my baby! He is eating so much he is already 6.7…..

I went to the hospital to show my Aunt the baby, and when I got their nurse was trying to call me because she wanted to feed the baby an hour early… The baby was not even awake. ERR- I was just glade that we went there early, so I was able to feed him! While I was there I got to speak to a DR, who said that Sammy is doing much better, and now we just need to take him from his C-Pap. All his labs came back improved his lungs are better. So they turned him down to a 3 on his C-pap, tomorrow (Thru) if all goes well they will turn him down again, then on Friday they will take him off all together. Then 24 hours after that (so they can monitor and make sure no relapse) he will be able to come home. They have put a call into Children’s Hospital in Oakland to find out why his blood had issues with its clotting, and she sent all his laps over their. Just so we know if he is going to need anymore blood transfusions in the future, (but she doesn’t think he will). So as of right now I am counting on him coming home on Sunday, if he comes home before then I will be greatly blessed, if not I am happy that he will be home in a few more days  So…… Let’s just pray that nothing else goes wrong, and he will be able to tolerate the decrease of flow! This is my 3rd baby in the NICU, and I have to tell you it is so frustrating when NOBODY knows why your baby is sick! With Marissa and Zack they new what was wrong, they where able to answer questions and I had a good sense of time frame, with Sammy everyone knows he is sick, they just don’t know why! My Aunt and sister has been Great with the kids, they don’t miss me at all, they have taken them to the pool on long walks, lots of play time in the front yard on bikes, and even shopping for back to school clothes! Thank you Thank you!

I find myself being torn between two families. My sister and Aunt came in from out of town to help out with my kids while I make the commute back and forth from Kaiser & home. But I find myself not wanting to leave either place once I get there and sit down. When I am with Sammy, I just hold him and cry not knowing what is going on with him and if there was anything I could do to prevent all of this. I feel selfish for wanting him out early, I feel guilty for not eating better, I cry every time I leave him worrying that he is going to wake up and look for me and want to nurse or be cuddled and I won’t be there. Today I had to ask to old my baby. Who has to ask to hold there own blood? I did, and I have to tell you it was horrible, I want to be able to pick him up anytime I want, feed him when he wants, not every 3 hours like the hospital wants. He knows when he wants to eat! When I am at home I try to spend as much time as possible with Aubrey, she is the only one that seems to mind what is going on here. Marissa has Emma, and the boys have been able to play video games all week long, which I try to avoid. Anthony has a dead line on his projects, so he had to go back to work. I know this is hard on him too; he only gets to see Sammy an hour a day. He is home with Aubrey more, which I know she needs. But I feel like we aren’t communicating very well. We aren’t fighting or anything like that, we just aren’t on the same page, and we don’t know each others thoughts. Devun is having some hidden challenges with this as well, but I think that’s just because he doesn’t like someone other then his mom or dad telling him what to do. Anyways I will stop whining, that has never helped anyone. Baby update; all Sammy’s labs came back negative, which you think would be good. But they really don’t know what is wrong with him. His lung looks better but the X ray shows stress. He has to come off his pressure oxygen then he can come home, the only problem is he is on a 4 and they can only take him off 1 at a time. And they haven’t even started that process yet. So he could be in there for another week. The one Dr, which has made all the changes to take him off IV, and put him on room heat… (YES, he is dressed now) is off for the next couple of days. So hopefully the other DR will see they need to take action! On the outside Sammy looks like a healthy baby boy, he is eating A LOT! He just needs to get healthy on the inside and come home! I just have to tell myself this too shall pass, he will be home before we know it!

News update for baby Sammy;

I have been back and forth from the home to the hospital to feed the baby in the NICU. I am living there at the moment, I come home to shower and eat, and let Anthony have a chance with the baby for an hour while I spend time with Aubrey (how is having a really hard time) before I head back. The baby is only nursing so I have been allowed to use a boarding room for the next 72 hours; I am hoping the baby will be home before then other wise I sleep in the waiting room in between feedings until he comes home..

The baby has a collapsed lung, he is on pressured oxygen to try and open it back up, he received a blood transfusion last night, and it helped a little but not as much a they would have liked, so he will have another one today after his afternoon feeding..

He is on an IV, which they think he can get off now that he is eating well, but the line will have to stay in just incase they have to run another blood line. He is on his last dose of antibiotic, and hopefully tonight at 12 they will see zero growth and he won’t need anymore. We really thought he would be home tomorrow, but it looks like he won’t be until the middle to end of next week. We want to bring home a healthy baby, and he looks healthy on the outside, I really had no idea how sick he could be on the inside. The good news for him is he’s a fighter. He doesn’t put up a fuss at all, he loves when I hold him and looks just like Anthony and Zack.

The pictures are from his first day of life (before we new about all his little problems).

Our Birth Story, Labor started; Weds day morning I had a really bad contraction that followed with bleeding and all the fun stuff that comes with labor my contractions where only about 10 min apart and I spent most the time in bed. (Anthony had lots of important work stuff to get in order, and I didn’t want him to come home until he HAD TO). We took Marissa to Soccer, where contractions started to come closer together but still 6-7 min apart. We went to labor and delivery and I was 2-3… I thought for sure that they were going to send me home. They said to walk so we walked. My back started to hurt really badly, so I decided to go back and just say I wanted to go home. She checked me again and said I was a good 3-4 and they would keep me. (I couldn’t believe it). I went back to my room, and the contractions were still only 7 min not a lot of pain, and I just really thought I wasn’t in labor. I talked to the nurse and said I don’t know what’s going on; I think this is going to be a long night with NO progress. They weren’t going to give me pit, so I for sure thought I wouldn’t progress. I said a silent prayer asking Heavenly Father to tell me if I really was in labor. No longer then a sec after I said Amen did I have a horrible contraction that broke me water… At this point it was 2am and Anthony was OUT COLD… the lights were off and not ever having my water broken I was like a kid in the candy store… Anthony jumped out of bed got the nurse into the room in sec. she checked me at that point I was a 4/5…How am I going to do 5 centimeters without an epidural I thought…. Then the contractions started coming on VERY STRONG. It was about 3:45 that I couldn’t do it any longer when she checked me and I was only a 6. I had to go for it, I asked for the epidural. Lucky for me there was NO wait, and by 4am it was in… Yes it took a lot of the stomach pains away, but my butt and back hurt so bad, I kept saying when it is going to kick in. she checked me and sure enough I was 9, then 20 sec later I had to push… baby was born at 4:28. Weighing in at 6.3, And 19 ½ inch long. The second smallest baby. Sammy came out bright purple, and had to be worked out for a few minutes. His color changed to a pink, but he swallowed too much fluid due to fast delivery. So his breathing was a problem from the beginning. We were ready to come home on Friday, and I mean we literally had him dressed the girl was going to cut of the band, but she felt she needed the Dr to look at his Circumcision. It was bleeding and oozing something it shouldn’t be doing. I got to keep him in the room with me until 7, then he had to go under the lights for his Billy levels Then while he was under the light he started to have breathing problems (again) so they took him to the NICU to start IV with meds, while he was in there they decide he needed a blood transfusion,… He is also on oxygen. We are not sure when he is going to be able to come home; she said to wait a couple of days to see where he is with his oxygen. Anthony and a friend are at the hospital giving the baby a priesthood blessing, I know that he is going to be ok; the lord only gives us what we can handle… I just miss him very much… I will share more news when I get some.

So I thought for sure by the time Soccer started I would have a baby… I guess I was wrong! Devun had his first meeting on Thursday, Practice will start this Tue, and he has it 3 days a week. Zack will have his meeting on Tuesday, and then I am not sure when his practice will start. Marissa was supposed to have a meeting last week as well, but most of the kids are out of town. So we are just going to talk after their first practice this week. For family night we get to go and buy all the kids new soccer shoes and shin guards. Ava is upset that she can’t play soccer, so I decided to put her in gymnastics. She will have a free trail day next week, and then began lessons once a week when school starts. I decided it would be cheaper to put her in some kind of dance instead of preschool. And then she can just go to the Clayton valley preschool next spring. She is a very smart little girl; she knows all her letters and numbers and how to write her name. . She can go with me to the gym and play with friends, and I am hoping we can start another play group this year. (But we shall see). Zack starts Kindergarten, and is VERY happy. Anthony should finish this kitchen project he is doing in the next week or so, and then I get to take all the kids back to school shopping… I think we are going to stick to Ross and Wal-mart this time. This week I changed my outlook on this baby coming. I have no control when he will come; obviously he is NOT like my other children, and wants to stay inside longer. My Dr thinks that he is about 7 pounds, and decided to go on Vacation so I will NOT be induced anytime soon. Ava’s birthday is next Saturday. And I can’t have the baby on her birthday, and I really don’t want to have it too close to her special day either. She really can’t wait. (Even though I won’t plan a party until after I have the baby) it’s just the fact that it’s “her” day. Anthony’ parents leave for Canada on the 9th; so if I am still pregnant when they leave it may look like all the kids will be at the hospital with us again. (The thought terrifies me as I write that down). But the lord knows what I can handle and what I can’t, I just have to put my faith in him that everything will work out. I have been going to the farmers market on Saturday’s. The fruit is So much better when you buy it fresh, then from the store. Yesterday I took the kids for a walk around Heathers Farm Park trying to start something. We climbed this huge hill and let me tell you how out of shape I have become. I think I may go back to the gym tomorrow and try to retrain myself. I have nothing else to do. And Anthony doesn’t start work until 9.