Life in the Durst Home

Last night Zack had pack meeting for Scouts.. The moms had or “got ” to stay and so on the patches…  I ended up talking to one of the Scout leaders, about my other blog, and how it is unleashing some dark issues but some major anger towards my mother. Which I always knew I had, I just didn’t know I had so much. We talked about CPS and how its far from perfect, the foster system and other stuff.. It was nice talking to him, it brought some unexpected tears, but non the less it was nice…. ( it was also nice that Linda Ann had all my small kids, so I didn’t have to worry about them, Thanks again!!)

Devun came home yesterday with a hand written invitation to a birthday party that is tonight 4-8..  I don’t know who the boy is. I know he lives in an apartment off Galindo… I told him I didn’t want him to go, he was upset So I told him he needed to talk to Anthony about it..

Today Anthony said, So I guess Devun has a birthday party to go too.. I was a little upset because I didn’t want him to go.. But Anthony said he could go and made the argument  that he was to sheltered like me, and he has no social skills and needs to make friends… I know he needs friends, but I would like to know who they are .. Am I wrong? I made the point Hey, I was too sheltered by one person, but totally NOT shelter by another.. I would much rather be sheltered !

Then we went into talking about the blog that I am writing, and it is apparent that he doesn’t think I should be writing it…

I disagree, I need to be writing it so I can overcome some of my issues.. It is just like going to a counselor.. But I am staying in my home writing it… He doesn’t think I should be writing about our high school years.. But then again, I think that people need to understand when you are not doing stuff you should be, life is NOT going to be easy.. And your choices really do affect everyone around you..

He, just doesn’t want to come off as the BAD GUY.. He keeps reminding me that he has repented of those sins, and I shouldn’t be thinking about them anymore. I am not planning on ratting him out, just stating the obvious

I don’t tell my kids we had Devun before we wore married. But one day they are going to find out.. It’s easy math…  I don’t want them to think, HEY- you and dad did it, and you guys are really happy.. Why can’t we…

So yes, it has brought a lot of angry out of hiding.. But, before I wrote this I was angry all the time, just taking it out on the wrong people… (hint the depression meds).. And with me being pregnant, not on my medication & in a very dark place I really think this is helping!

I know I am going on and on.. Maybe I am trying to justify it to myself, why I am doing it… Maybe I should make it a private blog…  But I will tell you one thing…

I kept having these horrible dreams, and since I have been writing this the dreams have stopped.. And they were hunting me far more than writing it down is.

Anthony has been working hard trying to get some of these projects up and going.. So much time is going into the planning, and the city work its crazy! Today he is at the Walnut Creek City office trying to get the plans up and rolling.. It’s almost Feb, they have been working on this for a more than three weeks… It’s crazy all the loops they put you through..

He is also going to be poring concrete at the daycare Center on Saturday.. Which is moving right along I love when projects work out.. It’s such a blessing after having so many problems!

He may even be getting another smaller solar project in a few weeks.. So business is looking up!

We are going to start getting busy in Feb it looks like. Between Girl scouts and cookie sales, Boy Scouts, Young Mens, PFC stuff & events, baseball & Church basket ball are weekends are all booked up! Good thing this baby isn’t due until April 4…

I told Anthony if we could have the baby the weekend of the 23rd it would be perfect. She is considered full term on the 16th… If we had her than and she was healthy that would be fine too..

But Anthony told me, WHAT!  You can’t have the baby on the weekend, that will ruin any baseball games we have lined up.. Here I am thinking that if we had the baby on the weekend it would be good so he could work, Not worry about school pick ups (he already drops them off, so that wouldn’t change) . But I guess baseball is more important..

As long as I am able to go and see the Hunger Games that comes out on the 23rd I will be happy! I told Anthony that if I went into labor that day, I would want to still see the movie (we would go to Walnut Creek Theater, being that its right next to the Hospital. And then go to the hospital after.. He didn’t think that was such a good idea..

Why the Hunger games? I read all the books, and loved them and so did just about everyone else at Church.. I want to be able to see it before people tell me how good/bad it is.. I want to be my own judge.. Plus I really wanted Anthony to read the books, and he didn’t so maybe see the movie will entice him to want to read them…..

Anyways, this post really isn’t going anywhere..

I have been putting a lot of time & thinking into the “other blog” I am trying to write my story  in order of events, and my mind is a little loopy for all the thinking

Today I spent the morning with Anthony… He took all the kids to school for me, even Aubrey…  Then we headed out to the Dump…..

After we came home and had lunch and he left to work on another project… I spent the afternoon cleaning, picking up kids from school and working on my rough drafts of things to write about…

I was so grateful when a young women from our Church Rachel came over to help out with the kids. She took them outside and let them go wild and run the energy out that they had, while I stayed inside and worked on Dinner.. And sitting…

Now I can say, my house is clean, Anthony just took the kids to the Science Fair, and Devun went to a Warriors BasketBall game with my brother and sister in Law… All is quite in my home and I am loving it!

Since I have been pretty much lying around in the evenings due to sciatica I decided to go into more detail about my life… I know not a lot of people are to interested in it.  But I need to write it all out for my family..

You all are welcome to read it, however I just want you to remember that anything that we did I will not put into too much detail.. But some things don’t go away. Remeber Anthony and I have repented of our sins, and no longer carry some of the burdens.

Why right than?

I don’t want my kids to say. Hay mom you did it and we turned out fine, why can’t I…

Basically because it wasn’t fine.. There was a lot of heart ache, a lot of pain and suffering. Not only for my sins, but from others..  I always wanted to write a “tell all book”. But now I am just going to write a tell most of the all blog…

I had a young women come up to me a few Sundays ago and say.. I didn’t know you and Anthony where high school sweet hearts. That is so cool… I am so in love with my boyfriend right now, and I totally want to marry him…

She kinda through me for a loop, because I didn’t see it coming… But for her, and girls like her I want to make it clear.. It isn’t easy!

Now, I did/ do know a couple that dated in high school and had the same LDS standards and it turned out GREAT for them.. But that is what everyone has to remember.. You must have Standards!

Anyways, if you are interested in reading this… I’ll give you a hint. It is in my side bar..

But If you do decided to read it, I am writing things coming from my heart. So I DO NOT want anyone to judge me, or put any mean comments, or anything else.. This really is WHO I was, and How I became Who I am now…

I love my husband more than anything in the world… It’s hard to remember things from our pasts, but we have both repented and are NOT the same people! So Love him just the same! Unless you have gone through the experiences that we have/had gone through growing up it is in no way you business to judge….

Just think of it like a good book… Some of the stuff comes right out of my journals, so I do talk like a teenager in some of the posts.

Anyways.. That is what I am working on right now.

Today I decided to quit procrastination on something that I have been needed to do..

I can’t stand on my feet to long or without getting Braxton hicks and if I drive for a long time I get Sciatic pain and can’t walk.

Things needed to get done!

1st I finally made a deposit in MT Views PFC account.. I hate going to the bank with a large deposit. I stand there FOREVER and I am not comfortable at all. But it needed to be done. So I can mark that as Checked.

2nd , Aubrey has needed a Hair cut for about a month now.. My last Dr Appointment she couldn’t even see her bangs had grown so long.. And she is my child that HATEs her hair brushed.. So Sam and I took her to get a Hair cut.. Sam loved watching them work…

3rd Trip to the Store.. We needed Milk, Juice boxes and a snack time thing for the kids lunches.. They have been out of juice boxes for a few days.. But we can’t be out of Milk.. I drink about a half a gallon a day alone.. ( it’s the only thing that I don’t throw up!)

4th Trip to Kaiser.. Baseball season starts soon, and Anthony has been asking me to take the physical form in to get filled out.. So we did. (I’ll wait to pick it up until my appointment next thursday).

Then I came home and cooked Dinner…

I am paying for it now with my Sciatic nerve pain in my lower back/butt area .. I will be in bed for the rest of the night… Lucky for me Anthony got home early, and was able to take Devun to Young Mens & will be able to pick him up… Greatest blessing!

Well actually the BEST thing that happened all day was…..

So the Solar Project that I have been talking about HATING, lasting forever.. Well Anthony decided to get Jared (hard worker, friend of his) to help him and my Cousin Brad try to finish the job a few days early.. He thought having both of them out there he would get the job done on Wed/thursday instead of Friday/saturday…

Jared was such a GREAT worker that they finished! YES they finally Finished!!!

Now, we just have to wait 6 weeks to get paid.. But the Signed Contract part is done!

Anthony did however agree to do a PG&E upgrade, so in about a month he has to go back and re wire the PGE stuff… But that is separate and I am so excited..

That means the next few days he can finish the outstanding projects that he has and we can possible get caught up on everything & be able to pay our bills this month & put away $ that we owe for taxes come April..

Oh yes, Another thing I worked on today.. It looks like we will owe about the same as last year a little more, but now as much as I thought..  We are not out of the woods yet, but soon we will be!

And we will have a baby, and I will be back to normal.. No more pains, exhaustion  depression, or messy house!  And I can start working on getting my DayCare License (again) so that we will NEVER be in this predicament again!!!

I am not one that likes football. In fact, I think it was such a BIG deal in our home growing up, that I just learned to HATE IT… I hate the way people get so involved in it. It’s there life.. They get so upset, and acted crazy when “their team” loses… Anyways Just wanted to share how I felt about foot ball….

Than to top it off, Sunday and TV.. I hate the extra noise in the house with the TV on.. ITs loud enough with all the kids playing, let alone add a TV in to the mix.. So sunday is the one day I can say NO TV… And no one argues.. Its just part of the sabbath that we honor.. DVR is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can record my shows and watch them the next day while all the kids are at school… Which really is only one show now.. Once Abound a time show.. LOVE it..

anyways again, not the point of my post.. Just an out line..

I woke up this morning to my house a mess.. Not much is new,.. But Anthony was nice enough to get all the kids showered and ready for church and let me sleep in… But I get a text from our good friends the Hoppies, you know the family that just got baptized… They wanted to come over after church to watch the foot ball game.. ERRRR Football…

I am always happy for sunday guest.. Set in the house let the kids play while we eat and laugh and have a good time.. But really Football & TV are going to be on… Not looking good for me.. I guess Anthony and Devun already made plans to watch it, with or without the sunday rule/law….

So We told them to come on over. We didn’t have much food, but we would think of something..

I put some pork in the crock pot.. and soon after got a call from the Bishop Ric asking to meet with me..

We all cleaned the house as fast as we could.. Said a family prayer.. and Ran out the door..

Devun gave his First talk in Church today.. He did So great from what I could hear.. Sam was at it again, so we had to leave the Chapel and sit in the loud zone.. Which was mostly loud cause Sam was crying.. He wanted to go to his Class, and play with his friends… We really need to get him in preschool, or I have to get this daycare up and running, because my baby is bored!

I was released from my calling.. I wish I wasn’t happy about this.. But I am. I really want to be with the Relief society and get away from little kids for a while.. I need to speak to women who are going through what I am going throw, or have gone through. I need that support, and teaching the 7/8 year olds for two hours is not allowing that to happen..

So I taught my last class today… Don’t get me wrong, I love Primary, its just not the right time or place for me right now.. I am sure when my kids are older in a few years I will be begging to go back in.. But for now I am just so happy to be free…

After church we meant with The bishop again,,, I am so grateful for the Churches services that they offer and help you with… We have been getting some assistance during this hard time, and it just has helped so much… Things do look like they are getting better, but we just have to wait… I am grateful that Anthony and I are full-time tithe payers, and we do give to the fast offerings each month as much as we can..  But still I wish we could support ourselves.. Soon! He is working, he just needs to get paid for what he does~ I know I keep saying that.. But it is very frustrating for me..

So, we came home from church.. I made some home-made Chocolate Chip cookies.. Anthony’s Favorite, as long as I make them right.. Which I did tonight.

Jessica & Robert came over with their three kids and nephew who is about Sams age (mom and dad at the hospital trying to give birth).. It was so cute to see the two little boys playing.. And they had SO MUCH fun together.. So much fun!

So even though the TV was on & it was football. it was nice to visit with my friends, and see my kids have Fun!

But you know what was the best part about today? Before we left the house we sat as a family to say morning prayer. I offered it today.. I prayed for everything above, Devun would do good in his talk, Anthony and I would do well with our teaching.. (Anthony taught today too) and the things which we are grateful for.. I told the lord how grateful I am for this baby.. This little girl who will be joining and completing our family.. How happy we are that she will be here soon, and I couldn’t help but cry….  I didn’t want to cry, the tears just came out.. And they came out again during the Sacrament song, and again while I was talking to my friend in the hall…

I think I have done such a good job at complaining this pregnancy that I have forgotten what a gift I am/ will be given.. A baby is priceless, and I really can’t have it all, but I have been so blessed with her!

So yes, today was crazy day… I like my Sundays Off, nothing to do but go to Church and have a nice nap. Read with the kids and just take it easy.. Today was Nothing like that.

But Still I was able to fill joy, and be with my family & friends and enjoy the day… Did I mention that Devun did Great on his talk.. He wrote it, and worked on it and I loved it! I am so proud of the young man that he is becoming… I will try to find it and type it up here for those that missed it… (if he still has it)

I got a phone call yesterday from a wonderfully nice lady, that is always looking to help! She is going to throw me a baby shower in Feb, so the stress of things needed is gone…. again, I am so grateful!

Not a whole lot is going on in the Durst home. Its been raining for the past two days that once again has caused delay on that wonderful Solar Project…  He has been able to finish up on smaller projects that have been going on for a long time too.. Which was good…

I have taken advantage of the weather with a fire burning in the fire-place, and a puzzle on the Kitchen table, there are a few books that I would like to start reading too.. Unfortunately I have to wait for the baby to come before I can do that.. For some reason I can’t concentrate on things for a long period of time…

Last night Devun’s basketball team won their first game! He was so excited! Anthony won his game too..

Tomorrow Anthony needs to clean the Church building, finish up two small projects, attend try outs for baseball ( hopefully canceled due to rain), Devun & Anthony have a basketball game.

Devun has decided to read the percy Jackson books again… Last year we read them as a family, and he just decided to start over again.. He read the first book in about 3 days.. Today he checked out the Sea of Monster from the Library and will begin that one.. He is really excited.. I think he has felt bad that Marissa has read up to the 5th Harry Potter book by herself, he wanted to read something big as well.. I am just really happy that he is reading..

Then Zack, who is have a tough time brought is AR reading log home today, and he has meant his goal for the simister.. He is very proud of himself.. Anthony and I are too… Ava is going to be a lot like Marissa, she is already reading a ton and she really understands how to sound out each word, and what sounds each letter makes..

Today Aubrey’s teacher told me she actually talked during class. He two friends were sick today, which really helped Aubrey step out of her shell… Hopefully she will keep it up.. She is able to right her name and she knows what the name of the letters are…

Which reminds me, today Sam had is trains and he told me Mom look.. And I looked, I made an s.. And he did… That kid is ready for school!

As for this little baby. Just a few more weeks, or two months left.. Yesterday I had a little panic attack… Normally when I have a baby, I have a crib set up. and you walk into my house knowing a baby will be coming soon.. Now with just 2 months left I walk into my house and see nothing for a baby.. I already know there is NO room for a crib, so that baby will be sleeping in a play n pack or my bed, My sister brought me a swing, and I had it in the play room.. Not a good idea, Sam & Aubrey got into and bent it.. So if I put a baby it in, she would tip over.. I do have about 4 new born pjs, so she will have something to wear for a few weeks, But I am basically worried about the Car Seat. Sam, used Aubrey’s so I tossed it….. And you can’t bring a baby home without a car seat…

So 90 percent of me wants the next few months to go by fast, so I can have here.. But the other ten percent worries about her coming & not being ready….

I am not sure what we did Friday,  Oh yes, Marissa had a sleep over at a friend’s house. Anthony and I went to bed at 9:30 which was nice.. We are both trying to come over a cold we have had for about a week…

Saturday was a busy but joyous day..

Anthony was up early to pick Marissa up and take her to the baseball fields for Try Outs.. I guess she did Very well.. Better than almost all the boys.. Anthony is coaching this year, and Marissa is on his team. So why the try out? No idea, but Anthony had to be there to see the other kids so he can start picking his team for the season…

Then they raced home so we all could attend Robert (dad), Mckayla (Daughter )and (Anne) baptism. We have been friends with this family since High School Jessica has been a member her whole life,  We have a LOT in common and over the past five years we have become even closer… This was such a Big step for their family!  They asked Anthony to Speak on the Holy Ghost.. Which was an honor for him! I have always loved this family, (like I said we have so much in common). But I felt such JOY as I watched the three enter into covenants with Heavenly Father, and I can’t wait to see the whole family sealed in the Temple …..

After that I dropped Ava off at a Birthday Party (late), and then came home to clean my house… I knew I signed up to have the Missionaries for Dinner, but couldn’t remember if I did it for Saturday or Sunday..  So we cleaned just incase… Then I went to the store and bought the extra stuff we would need for both nights meals just incase..  Lucky for me the Missionaries called while I was out and said it was for Sunday… I was happy about this only because I was so wiped out I wanted to lay down for a few… Anthony was working ( yes he got the a big job, we are very grateful) So I would pretty much have to do everything myself…. (normally not a big deal, but wiped out )..

Sunday, woke up with very bad acid reflex, lately I have been throwing up all night and morning.. I have lost 2 pounds… could be the no more soda, or the throwing up who knows.. it’s almost over.. just two more months and some change…  Anthony took the kids to the first Hour of Church while I tried to get myself together.. Then it was off to Primary…

Came home started making dessert, and preparing Dinner for the missionaries.. The house was clean, the kids where happy, dinner was good ( until the PM, why do I eat??)  The spirit was in the home and it felt so nice, The girls shared a message and left. We read Scriptures, cleaned up dinner and then I laid down while Anthony read the kids two chapters of their book they are reading..

Today, however I am feeling so unmotivated.. I am still in my robe and it’s almost noon. I have had two guest come to my house, and still have had no desire to shower or get ready for the day.. I have 1 diaper left, so I HAVE to go to the store. I don’t know What we are having for dinner.. SO I have to look on that.. All the kids are home today from school… They are playing so well..  Anthony is trying to finish that Solar Project before the rains start coming.. So he’ll be home late tonight… Maybe that’s why? who knows….

But we had a great weekend!

So I had my appointment on Monday.. I have had a head cold for the past three days so I have been laying in bed, not posting..

Dr said that the blood work did come out high, but its all in the normal range. He said just to watch what I eat, and try to eat enriched protein & Iron foods for my energy levels.. He said if I need to lay down, there is nothing wrong with that. I am making a baby which is hard on the body..

I start the Kick Count Chart, so I have to start monitoring the baby’s movement..

The pregnancy is coming to an end pretty closely. I have about 4 more Drs visits before she joins our family…

I am excited about this, but also worried.. I still have so much to buy her.. car seat, clothes, socks, diapers, burp rages, etc… Anthony got a gift card to Ross for Christmas… I am going to have use it for shoes for Zack.. That boy has gone through two pairs of shoes in two months will less than that, 6 weeks… Anyway’s left over we will get an outfit or two and maybe some socks..

You would think I had stuff, but after Sammy I really thought I was done. I gave all my clothes, strollers, swing, play pen etc to the DI… At this point I wish I hadn’t, but I did and I know it will all work out.

Back to the Dr appointment… All looks good, blood pressure still looks good.. I ended up losing weight after I stopped eating fast food and Soda… So he was pleased with that.

He gave me the run down on a tubal.. & had me sign a form that needs to be signed 4 weeks in advance.. Just incase I have a c-section, they can just tie my tubes then…

Anthony most of had some concerns with this, last night he meant with the Bishop and asked what the Church thought of sterilization.. Basically he got 2 out 3 right, do you have enough kids, can your wife handle or does she want any more… 3rd one is to pray about it.. So he plans on doing that soon…

I honestly would rather him get his fixed, instead of me.. So I am hoping it will all work out… Dr also said the IUD is just as protective.. My problem is I always forget about how miserable I am during pregnancy, and take it out after 2 years… But I really can’t do this to my body anymore!

Anthony and I talked about Adoption.. and we are both open to that if its something that we fill we need in the future.. But as of right now our family is complete..

When the boys turn 8 in our church they get to join the Cub Scouts, and we have members who are the cub leaders etc..

Zack had is first day with his B.F.F Jack…

They hammered nails and removed them, screwed in screws etc.. Zack said he only tried it once.. Then I guess (coming from the leader) Zack and Jack sat in the corner talking, and told them it was boring..

Oh no… Devun loved boy scouts…   I just hope that Zack is not keeping Jack from having fun… But I am glade that they have each other….

It looks like bed time is going to be moved to 8:30 for the older kids.. One of them has to be at the church almost everyday during the week… Tuesday – Devun, every other wed- marissa, Thur- Basketball for Devun, Cub Scouts for Zack…  Mondays & Fridays will be home (until Baseball starts)…